Somewhere Out There

So I have made a few diary entries lately about my birth family finding me. My last post was about it being a blessing and a curse. It is great having a brother to talk to when you grew up always wanting a sibling. The whole parent thing is another story!

When I was really young I use to think about what it would be like to know my birth parents, I questioned like any child would “why was I given up”, when I was really young I use to hear the song Somewhere Out There and think I wonder if they are thinking of me?

As I got older I didn't think about it much. My parents are awesome, my childhood was great, my husband is my best friend and my kids are healthy and loved. When my first son was born I did think about medical issues; I'm adopted I have/had no clue what runs in my biological family. So that part weighed on me. I honestly had no interest in finding my birth parents.

Now that they have been found my biological mother is really getting to me and I don't know why I am letting it bother me so much? When she first found me she took pictures of me off my Facebook page and posted them to hers saying “my beautiful daughter” she has taken pictures of the kids posting “my grand-kids” we have never talked over the phone, only on Facebook messenger. 2 weeks ago today was the last time I heard from her, for days she was messaging me so concerned because my hubby was sick and had the rona test (which came back negative) but while we were waiting on the test she was messaging me a lot. As soon as the hubs posted he was in the clear I never heard from her since.

Now I don't know the thoughts that would run through your head as a mother who gave her child up for adoption, I've never done it. I would think you would want to get to know that child though, at least I know I would. Also seeing as how I was the one given up, I honestly don't feel in my heart that it is my place to try and force a relationship. I feel that if she wants one she needs to reach out to me. Maybe she feels the same way I really don't know. All I know is every time I see her like something I share on Facebook I get upset wondering why she can't message me and even just say Hi?

I hope one day I can figure this out, I want to be at peace no matter how it plays out, I just want to be at peace!